Do you want to start, Michael? 

Sure…sure, why not?

I mean, it literally looked like toilet paper caught in a windstorm. 

This truly looks like a shower loofa ruched up the front of it.

It’s like a Mexican serapé, gay flag.

She just looked like rigatoni Mad Max.

Comme des Garcons goes to the amish country.

It’s like full 80s, kind of Mugler, addicted to love.

Oh my god…oh my god! Let’s take something that already you feel dowdy in—let’s make it feel even more matronly. 

[Inhales] Where do I start? You basically took a checklist of everything that can turn tacky. Shiny, short, tight. 

The miniskirt, the harness, the puffed sleeve.

MC Hammer meets…

Vampire

Pregnant witch 

Big bowl of sawdust

Feathered asses

Bridesmaids under the sea

[Exhaling] Poof…

Tin man Hershey kiss ballerina…garbage…newspaper…ohhhh

She’s a hooker or a grandmother

Ugly Aztec cape

Crazy disco turkey 

Ruffled shrug in vinyl

Busy and tacky

Real 80s, bitchy, kind of like Knots Landing.

I mean…Hello! Slutty, slutty, slutty…

You had to put the sharks teeth…on her sleeves? Is that supposed to tell me “Oh, she’s a shark.”

Oh god look at that…Your husband helps you back into your straight jacket…aw.

There isn’t a woman on the planet who would say, “Oh, I want people to think I have a fat butt…and big hips.” Like, she just doesn’t exist!

I mean, side cleavage is a rare, thrilling moment.

Like, “Oh, sign me up. I want something that’s going to look like my waist fell.” From top to toe, it’s a mess.

There’s nothing right about this dress.

The only possible accessory that she could use with this is a wand. 

It might have been nice if the blouse did not look like the back was eaten.

Well, yes.

Maybe the model’s too thin and she just ate her outfit? I don’t know.

You’re a mess just standing…so, I mean, traveling you’re just going to be like a homeless person.

We have…crazy crotch. Um, I think they might fit you better, than perhaps a gentleman might have something to fill the trouser out.

She looks like…her ass is in her front.

The crotch is just every woman’s nightmare.

The shorts are big and tight at the same time.

Not a lot of women want to have “Canceled” on their crotch.

Every girl is going to want those plaid pants that make her ass look that long.

Let’s be honest, it did look like she had an old diaper pushed in between her legs.

A jockstrap pant? It’s wacky…

You achieved the impossible. She has camel toe, in big shorts. [Sharp inhale] Oh….

She looks like a transvestite flamenco dancer at a funeral—I mean, she just does!

It’s like a metallic Hefty bag just…cinched.

She looks like a disco soccer ball.

Unless you are a going to a Joan Crawford St. Patty’s day party, I mean, who is wearing this blouse?

She looks like she’s a barmaid serving her hair.

She’s a pole dancer in Dubai.

Hello! I mean, she’s got all the curtains from terra ripped off the wall and put in the one dress.

She’s wearing like a Flintstone disco pouch.

Do I think it’s pretty? No. 

She’s kind of like Voodoo princess in Hell.

Did you really think they went together? They don’t.

Tight satin? No human being should wear tight satin. 

Let me see that…It’s crepe de chine? Ew it’s poly—Hello!

What is it polyester?

It is! It’s poly crepe de chine.

I mean, she’s got an avocado goiter.

I don’t know…she’s from the Republic of Cocktail-land?

She looks like a Victorian cocktail waitress in Las Vegas.

Something a Teletubby would wear to a party.

Like a Brady Brunch dashiki.

Like…reggae Jesus.

I think she looks like a stewardess and I’m waiting for her to get me a coffee.

Wings over her boobs, plus then the jeweled boobs, plus then the jewels under the boobs…and then of course she has got, you know, a flower pot growing out of her head.

It’s kind of like a sad chicken.

She is pooping fabric!

It’s kind of like Doris Day playing a postal worker.

I think her hair is gorgeous. 

Isn’t it beautiful?

Well that’s about all I think looks gorgeous.

Men’s trousers with no pockets at all? Anywhere? I mean, it’s like a legging Friar Tuck would wear. 

Like that could be his drag name, “Origami Rose”?

The pants are, uh, signature Angela.

She knows how to make clothes, whether she has any taste or talent? That I don’t know.

Taste is something you just can’t learn…